Monday, April 27, 2009

The Great Train Robbery

A small train in the middle of an everyday suburban mall loads up with new eager 2-4 year old passengers. Happy moms wave to excited younglings as they chug around a small circle in the mall.

Kid #1: Wee! Mommy! Mommay! Look!
Kid #2: hahahaaaaaa!

Kid #3 sits in the front cart of the train.

Kid #3: I'm the conductor! Chu hooo!

All the kids laugh and clap with glee. Two masked men pop up from the caboose of the train.

Man #1: Alright! (shoots his gun into the air) This is a train robbery!
Man #2: Just do what we say and no one gets hurt!

Masked man #1 turns his gun on the passengers of the train.

Man #1: All your candy! Now!

The kids remain motionless and start sobbing. Masked man #1 goes into the face of a kid.

Man #1: Your candy now!

The kid empties out his pockets and puts his candy into a burlap sack, other kids follow orders.

Man #2: Who is the goddamn conductor of this thing?
Kid #1: Bad Word! Bad Word
Man #2: Quiet!

Man #2 buts the kid with his rifle.

All the kids instantly point to the kid sitting in the front of the train

Masked man #2 climbs to the front of the train and pistol whips the conductor kid, knocking him unconscious.

Man #2: This is my train now!

Man #2 notices that man #1 is pocketing some of the candy, he climbs over to man #1's cart.

Man #2: what the hell are you doing Frank?!
Man #1: what are you talking about?
Man #2: Don't play dumb with me Frank. I saw you pocketing our loot.

Man #1 turns his gun onto Man #2. Man #2 throws his hands into the air and dropping his gun.

Man #1: Look I didn't want to have to do this now, i was going to wait until we were about to leave and then shoot you in the back and get away scotch free... but you had to step in.
Man #2: Frank, how could you do this to me? I took you in when no one else would! I loved you like a brother Frank!
Man #1: Well I'm tired of living in your shadow! sorry Chuck. (BANG)

Man #1 falls to the ground revealing a diapered kid passenger holding a gun with smoke coming out of the barrel. The kid drops the kid and sucks on a lollipop. Man #2 cringes in emotional pain, looks around for the bag of candy, grabs it, and hops off the train onto a horse and rides off. The train comes to a stop, blood and bodies cover the train.

Ride Tech: Alllll right. Everyone on.

Parent in line push their crying kids onto the train.



  1. I have read this through twice and I still don't get the point. Am I that dense?