Sunday, October 16, 2011


There are a couple of things that scare me now-a-days. Here is a quick list of things that make me poop myself on site:

-unfrozen Popsicles
-certain kind of dogs
-organized government
-A Random Mel Gibson Attack

Yes, Youth. There is nothing scarier than youth; they creep up behind you and once you notice they are there then it is too late. Kind of like walking through life, turning the corner just to see the Twilight Zone guy, and knowing some crazy shit is going to go down.

Why does today's youth scare me? Because they are just so stupid and when they come into power things are going to be worse, Mad Max worse but with cooler mohawks. Sure our parent's generation has done some idiotic things: Watergate, Wars, Spandex; and sure our generation has continued that trend of moronic acts: More Wars, The financial collapse, the Kardashians; but this new generation is going to reach a whole new level of doofis-ness (yes, I just created a word on how dumb they are).

First, they don't read. To their argument, why read? Why read when you have endless amounts of channels on Television, when I can see a race between two blind dwarfs and an obese conjoined twins?? Why read and know about the great art the has inspired and moved generations past depressions and into ideological eras? When this generation does read its books by Chelsea Handler and Snookie (are you fucking kidding me? Snookie? people are willing to read a book by a fat herpes filled twinkie than someone like Mark Twain or Jane Austin). Wow, what a generation they are going to be when their greatest author got crabs while being drunk in a hot tub.

Second, Tattoos. Now let there one thing be clear, I have nothing against tattoos. They are a great way to express ones motivation or to have a memorial for a loved one. They are great in moderation. Key word is moderation. I love Lord of the Rings but in Moderation because if I loved them without moderation then I would be a virgin who eats Cheetos all day long instead of a guy who got lucky once and eats Cheetos all day long. Now if you have more tattoos than shirt covering your body there is something wrong here. How do you expect anyone to take you seriously, heck even your kids to listen to you. "Where did you learn that kind of behavior?" "I don't know dad, from that half naked chick holding a sword riding a tiger". See my point? Want to be different? Don't get a tattoo, everyone has them now-a-days

Third, narcissism. My generation is the best, plain and simple. USA!USA!USA! - there is never a wrong time to start a USA! Chant.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

New Applebees Dinner Items!

Here are a few new items waiting for you next time you enter your neighborhood's Applebees!

The Double Triple Burger

This delicious meat-safari will send your tongue big game hunting! We don't only give you three juicy meat patties, we double that! Have you ever heard of a meat comma? Don't worry you will once you wake up from one after finishing this endangered species!

Darryl Strawberry's Chili Fries

We start with a bed of golden 'cooked to perfection french fries' then add grandma's home cooked chili, top it with FOUR different types of cheeses, and finish it with a dash of hobo spices. Why do we call it Steve Job's Chili Fries? After finishing a plate, you are sure to have colon cancer.

The Good For You Salad

We here at Applebees are committed to stop childhood obesity and we think this salad is step in the right direction. What screams healthier than free range, corn fed, all white meat chicken; DEEP FRIED. We put that on a bed of napkins with your choice of dressings; Buttermilk Ranch, Double Molasses BBQ, or Quadruple Honey Mustard.

Starlet Fajita

USDA Marinate steak with bell peppers and onions served on a sizzling hot griddle. (CAUTION: The fajita griddle is extremely hot. One touch could cause 1st degree burns and an extensive trip to the hospital where your family will forget who you are due to your addiction to pain killers.

Eye Opener Margarita

Tequila, Spiced Rum, Apple Juice, Margarita Mix, and dark memories of summer camp that have kept you awake for countless nights; blended and served in your very own take-home Applebees' glass!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Funny Videos

Here are a collection of videos I find hfunny and I hope you find them funny too. You may have seen them before, if you have then you are a no good communist.

1)Bat Fight - Classic video, well made. This song will be stuck in your head for some time.

2)Handsome Men Club - This aired 2 years ago and it still makes me laugh. Whoever thought about having Tony Romo in the Handsome Men Club is retardedly wrong.

3)Terrible substitutions - Anyone that knows me knows I am a sucker for those Corona commercials, oh GOD do I wish I was on the beach doing nothing with my life getting drunk with no friends around me. Also obvious goofs. Mad respect to the film crew who think they can pull this off. Keep your eye on #89